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Spouse has a checklist – move items from hamper to washer. My spouse didn’t have to do any system design, training or troubleshooting.
#NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY MEME INSTALL#
The system design even took into account the research, purchase and install of a washing machine that has an auto detergent dispenser that has to be refilled only a couple times a month. Everyone puts away their own stuff (again this was part of system design and training). All my spouse (or paid cleaner) has to do is transfer the items from the hamper (where items are already color separated due to training / system design) into the machine and then fold and put in baskets. All that work was *behind the scenes* so to speak. I also have to fix the system if people are not using it and then retrain.
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Then I had to deploy those resources and train everyone to use the system. Doing research and procurement of needed items. Determining what resources were needed for collection (hampers, hooks, etc).
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That involved understanding the traffic patterns in our home. Simple Example: Laundry: I set up the system for ensuring dirty clothes are consolidated and collected in a couple key locations. While my spouse does a ton of visible work, I’m constantly identifying needs and then creating and troubleshooting the underlying plan to address those needs. We’ll that’s where this study / article comes in IMO. At this point, you are probably wondering what the heck do I do, right? I get asked that question ALL the time. Spouse does loads of things almost exclusively – dishes, laundry, yard work, meals, etc., but I’m still exhausted and overwhelmed because I’m doing so much. That’s the hidden work.Įxample – my spouse is fantastic. But how many times have you stopped to consider all the work that goes into designing and maintaining the website and logistics system to make that online order possible. The action of going online and placing an order is a very visible task. That’s where the real *management* work lies.Īn anecdote I use is buying something online. I understand your frustration and that of many other commenters however, I think the bigger issue is how this ultimately is addressed. I blame it largely on childhood training…mothers who seem to feel its not manly for a son to cook, clean, change a diaper, do laundry. Or you get “I made the bed for you” Oh really…and just where do you normally sleep then? “I vacuumed the living room for you” like he’s a guest in his own home and is doing you a favor by actually cleaning an area you both use. Its like you are living with an 8 year old in a man’s body. Nope…same deal tomorrow night, and the next, and the next. “Well you didnt ask!” So you think ok.now he knows. BUT the leftover food is still sitting on the counter with the spoons, not packed, wrapped and refrigerated. Clear the table? OK he does just that but you have to ask for the dishes to be put into the dishwasher. This explaining leads to ‘might as well do it myself’ because of the extra involved in doing that. The mere fact that she has to explain what has to be done is in itself tiring and annoying because she is not talking to a child – he’s an adult.
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She sees it, no one has to ask her…its there. And yet he chooses not to see it so that she must ask. Its not new…these things are daily occurrences and have been happening around him since he was a child. Shopping has to be unloaded, dishwashers need emptying, dirty kids need their faces washed, laundry needs folding etc etc. I think what bothers me is that I shouldn’t HAVE to ask! A man has eyes and can see what needs to be done.